Anyway, I'm gonna chronicle my journey from the day I stepped into Peng Hwa to graduation.
The first day of school also marked my first time ever stepping into a school bus which my mom dubbed the old jalopy after she saw a battered up bus pulling up the driveway of my house. After holding back my vomit for more than an hour, we finally arrived at PCGHS with less than 10 minutes to spare. I hurried into the foyer, ignoring the enormous building that was going to be my second home for the next five years, and forcing my way through crowds of people who one day were destined to cross paths with me. My first impression of Peng Hwa didn't come until I saw our Assistant Head Prefect that year, Ms. Jocinda Wong. I must say, she scared the crap out of me after she shouted at all the new students to get in line to view our class placements.
Being introduced to the rules of Peng Hwa made me think twice about my decision to pick Peng Hwa. At first I didn't really complain because I was just too much of a goody-two-shoes to do anything 'unholy'.
People formed cliques in our class faster than you could say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and I was left out - no surprise there. I was pretty much oblivious to the fact that I wasn't very liked - it took me around 4 years to find out. I'm a sucker for these things and I sure do hope that I've changed enough for me to gain favour and friends, not acquaintances. You can say that I was in my own world and all that crap because it was pretty true.
Form 1 wasn't exactly the year to remember because not many memories were made. There was much sorrow but little joy for me. So, I pretty much exiled myself from the entire class, thinking that my purpose of going to school was to study, get good grades, leave school. The thought of making friends was not on the list after being thrown down a cliff. No, I will not elaborate on that and yes, I'm an introvert and I'm not proud of it, though I have to admit that us introverts do have some plus points.
Form 1 taught me that friendships don't necessarily last and true friends stick by you forever.
Form 2 was just as bad. Being disliked by more people and (still) not realising it, I quickly hardened my shell and excluded myself from everything. I was pretty much a subject of gossip for my peers that year because of the things I have done, the things I should have done but didn't do and the things I shouldn't have done. Just as I thought that I was a walking, breathing time bomb waiting to explode, the Rebels for Christ concert came along. That concert made me realise that there were still people who cared for you and liked you for who you were and not what you had. It gave me hope that I could still be able to open up and allow people to come into my heart. FireBRANDS found its way into my heart and it has stayed there ever since. Rebels for Christ - my biggest turning point of my teen hood, brought me closer to God and led me to sign up for CF the following year.
Form 3 was one of the best years of my high school life. Everything was changing so fast. My friends (whatever few I had) were changing, classes were changing, my timetable was changing, I was changing. It was the first time I actually felt accepted in class - Mind you, I'm not sure how many people actually disliked me but at least there were more who accepted me for me. Form 3 was fun for me because we barely studied and still managed to scrape through PMR with flying colours. LOL. I can't say I was more involved in class that year because I was so into church stuff that year that I just let my Ranger activities go down the drain. I never really liked it anyway.
That year was also the year that Recess Revolution was founded. I was uncertain about introducing it to CF and I don't know why, but I did it anyway. God's hand was definitely with us. Reviving morning prayer in school and making it an everyday practice instead of a weekly one made all of us more passionate for God and our school. It also led to our first RR project which Yi Cheer codenamed 'Project SEKAPUC'. It was amazing how we actually raised more money than we actually needed. I'm sure we blessed the teachers that day because one of them still talked about it the following year.
I was going uphill in Form 3 and nothing was stopping me. I had good grades, I made friends, I felt accepted, I fell in love. I had it in it for me, or so I thought.
When I got my PMR results, I wasn't 'shattered' because I saw it coming anyway. What shattered me was the fact that I was completely separated from my friends, my security again.
Being pushed all the way to the 4th class forced me to make new friends for the sake of it (only in the beginning) and break my shell even more. I hated being in my position because it distanced me from my form 3 friends who made me feel accepted. I was in unknown territory and people from my class knew each other. I didn't. That's the price you pay for changing classes every single year.
I wanted out. I bawled my eyes out for weeks, begging my parents to transfer me out but they refused. Cold, I know but I'm glad they didn't do it. I told God that if it was His plan for me to be in Peng Hwa, so be it, but we made a promise that I would not fail my Chinese paper, ever. And guess what? I have never failed it. The thought of it surprises me too.
It took me eight, yes, 8 long months before I actually made friends. Real friends, not just acquaintances. It took them 8 months to understand me and embrace me for me. It took them 8 months to get over the fact that they hated me. (Yes, they confessed they hated me at first but stopped hating me after not being able to find any excuses to hate me.) Honestly, I wanted to distance myself from them as far as possible during those 8 months as well, so we're even. I am glad that we eventually became friends, although it was a little late in the year.
They stuck by me through thick and thin for the remaining parts of the year and really made me feel loved when I needed it the most. That was pretty much my highlight of my form 4 year. It actually made everything worth while.
Form 4 was the craziest roller coaster ride ever, ranging from stepping into the world of love, to dying in it, to stepping out of it. From experiencing the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. In form 4, my heart was ripped open, but healing was given. There was restoration after a fall.
Form 4 made me realise that people still cared.
Form 4 humbled me. I knew it was the year God chose to humble me. In the end, it all fitted in perfectly. God was teaching me something important and I wasn't ready to lose hold of it.
I cruised through the holiday, quickly filling it up with activities to distract myself from the hurt that still lurked in the deepest darkest valleys of my heart. I guess I didn't do a good job in burying my hurt because it resurfaced anyway. Thankfully, this time I was healed, completely. Okay, I'm digressing a little but yeah, Form 4 was pretty much full of sorrow and laughter, of pain and healing.
Yeah, losing someone I held so dear to in my heart was tough on me, but gaining a lot more was the best thing that ever happened that year.
Ah, finally Form 5. I'm sure you're bored by now but bear with me. I'm almost done. I entered S5A, battling my nerves, and trying to hide my shaking knees. I have entered stranger's territory once again. It was the worst 5 minutes of my life as I threw my backpack on a seat and rushed out the door. I couldn't stand those shocked faces staring at me. The shocked looks in some of my new classmate's eyes scared the crap out of me. Of course it was shocking to see me. After all, I did come from the fourth class.
I was so afraid in letting people into my shell that year that I closed up really quickly, only allowing the people sitting around me into it. Yes, big mistake. What can I say? I was afraid. I wasn't in my 'safe zone' anymore. I was surrounded by 39 geniuses and I wasn't one of them. I can't say it was a mistake to be in S5A because I knew that no matter what happened, it was God's plan. I only had to trust in God's plan and believe that He didn't place me into the wrong class.
I hardly talked to my classmates because I was dead scared to talk to people. (This little feature I have is found in most introverts, if not all and I hope it didn't come across as me being a complete snob.) I'm just scared of talking to new people because I get like a brain freeze and I can't think and I'll look stupid or something. Heck! It took Facebook to help me get acquainted with Amanda, Jia Ying and Jia Ming. I suck at talking to people face to face. :/
Okay back to the point. I'm thankful I was streamed into S5A because I didn't really need subtitles this year. Wait, I did, but not that much. I quickly became a prime target (I can't find a better or less harsh word to replace this) of Pn. Seow because apparently I had the exact same given name as the first girl in 2010 and I just HAD to suck in the language that girl was excellent at. Ah just my stinkin' luck.
So just as my Chinese continued to suffer in her class, my friendships didn't. This time, the rock hard shell covering me wasn't broken (or shattered) but slowly peeled off layer by layer, allowing me to make friends without being completely awkward again. Slowly, I began to make new friends and talk more in class, though I was still so quiet, so I've heard.
After cruising through a whole year not texting/skyping/talking to anyone until the wee hours of the morning, I finally arrived at our destination - graduation. We camwhored the whole morning away, snapping shots of teachers who have changed our lives and touched our hearts. I felt so happy when Ms. Lili Lim was so happy that her form 1 students still remembered her. Yes, I'll always remember her. The whole graduation ceremony thing was boring. I slept through the speeches and only woke up during the orchestra and band performances.
Then, the night came along. This was it - Graduation Night. Everything that the OCs, emcees, students have worked hard for was going to fall into place and complete our high school puzzle.
It was the first time I had ever tried my hands on making up someone else. I'm pretty sure I put Yi Xing through 10 minutes of hell that evening. I think she freaked out every time I said shit lol. It didn't turn out as horrible as we both thought it would be but it sure did shock a lot of people. LOL. The night turned out great. Everything was perfect - the food (except the untouchable fish), the performances, the company.
Then the graduation song came on and we all sang it with all our hearts. I tried but nothing really came out. Ah, screw the cough for overstaying its welcome. I could barely talk the entire night and I had to speak in an insanely low voice. Anything above my normal range couldn't exit my voice box. I'm not exaggerating. Ah well, we all cried in front of awesome people, hugged and laughed. It was a bittersweet affair. A part of me was sad because we were gonna leave each other a little too soon, another was happy because I was given the privilege to get to know so many awesome people, especially the class of S5A 2011. That being said, I guess I will miss Peng Hwa and S5A after all. Maybe Peng Hwa wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been. I do regret not talking to most of the S5A people earlier and only getting to talk to them over supper after graduation night. I'm pretty sure I missed out on a lot.
Okay so now I will try to address the people who have touched my life. I can't make a long list because I just took another dose of my cough mixture and it's kicking in soon so I'll have to make everything short and sweet. Don't feel left out if I didn't address you. Each and every one of you have made an impact in my life and have a special place in my heart.
I'll TRY to go in alphabetical order.
AMANDA,
Ah miss Amanda. I thought you had a strange accent at the beginning of the year and it took awhile to get used to. I could've sworn I had to make you repeat what you were saying a few more times before actually catching what you were saying. I blame my poor hearing. Now it sounds totally normal and not strange anymore. We clicked almost instantly on Facebook but it took ages for us to actually talk to each other face to face. I guess it was us being introverted again. It's funny how long we could talk on Facebook but couldn't even make it though a five-minute conversation in real life. Glad that wall is broken down, because you are one of the most amazing friends I've ever had. I know we hardly ever talked about anything constructive but it was really fun talking to you. We should totally sleepover again and I'll drink coffee the next time so I won't fall asleep or something. LOL. I haven't slept so late in a year so yeah, forgive me. :D Okay, I'm digressing, anyway, you're one cool person to talk to and I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world.
AUDREY,
Hiya neighbour, You're probably one of the most annoying yet fun neighbours to have. We have had our disagreements and good times. You're a fun person to talk to and it's always a joy to talk to you about food. Thank you for influencing my vocabulary because now I can't stop saying "我很饿！！！！”， “我急尿”， “随你”，and doing that good sign you do all the time when you applaud me but have nothing better to say. It was a joy sitting next to you even though sometimes I wished I could strangle you (though I gotta admit, you're too nice to strangle anyway).
CHIA WEI,
Hey ex-neighbour. I remember the first time we met when Xin Wei thought I was a complete idiot for wanting to sit next to you and the look on her face totally scared me. LOL. You're so nice to talk to and I feel bad for being imposing on you and making you agree with everything I say. It was super fun talking to you every single day. Oh and you have super small handwriting. I wanna hit you for giving me such a big piece of paper to write even though your own handwriting is freakishly small. I loved all the times I taught you stuff you didn't know and I loved how you went like "Ohhhhhh" when you finally figured it out. LOL. I also loved it when you taught me stuff because we got bored of listening and you would just teach me straight out of your tuition class. :D
CHIN YEE,
Hi rumah partner. Rumah was so fun with you even though we were in different classes. LOL. It was so nice eating lunch every Monday with you. Fried maggi with egg and 打蛋! Mmmmmmm. :D I love you to bits and I still can't recall how we actually became friends. I know we were in the same tuitions and you always copy my answers, knowing that they were wrong anyway.
JIA MING,
Hi! Haha. I still remember how I found out that you were taking your driving exam the same day I was and how I kept freaking out and how we failed together and passed together. LOL. So our license expires on the same day! How cool is that? Screw the bukits and 3-point-turns! LOLLL We'll conquer the world with our driving.
MICHELLE,
Hi Ms. Optimistic. We're in the same class! It's kinda funny how my mom knows so much about your family. Matang is just too small. (; You're so so happy all the time and it's so refreshing to see a happy face smiling at you early in the morning. You're like a super cool person. I've never seen a person string up the vertebrae of a cat, catch grasshoppers, take photos of insects etc in my life!
SIMMY,
We started our friendship through Facebook as well. We loved talking and that was that. I love how you have such an in-depth knowledge in Physics and I love how you love French. If only I could learn French as well. Even though those free French lessons on Facebook confused me, they were really fun and we should do it more often as long as you translate every single sentence for me. LOL. I know that I don't know a lot about politics but it's just so fun listening to you rant about it. Hahah. It makes me feel smart when you finally say something that I know about. LOL. Yes, I'm that lousy.
SU JIE,
NILEY! BAHAHAHAHA. nil-ey. I had a hard time pronouncing that name. Hi lousy girl, I will stop laughing at your name naoooo. I know you know that I love you and I wanna hug you everyday coz you're like my giant teddy bear. :D I'll miss you if you go to US and abandon me in Brisbane. I'll totally kill you first so I can squeeze your body into my suitcase and mummify your body so that you'll be with me forever. *evil laughs You're one awesome person and I wished we had more time together so that we could talk forever! And my name is wei1 ling2, NOT wei1 lin3 for goodness sake! Yi Wen and Leh Yoong totally polluted its pronunciation. Anyway, I'm so gonna kill you for deleting your Facebook account. You made me waste like 10 minutes trying to find you okay! I thought you changed your name or something NILEY. D;
QIU YUAN,
Okay I added this in later on because it didn't feel right coz I did have memories with you, whether you realised it or not. Actually only one memory and that's it. I remember talking all day with you during our 槟城一日游 and it was really fun. Our paths crossed this year again but we barely talked :( Oh oh! I remember wanting to strangle the fishball teacher who disturbed all your neighbours during our midterms. >;(
WAN FEN,
Hey Chem lab neighbour! I'll miss you, though I gotta admit that I found your always standard answer for my questions were a bit annoying - Saying "I don't know" doesn't help. I won't kill you for teaching me the wrong thing! LOL. Anyway, you're really nice to talk to when your answer isn't "I don't know". Sitting next to you in Chemistry class taught me so much more about you. I don't regret ppk-ing you and sitting next to Audrey because we were still so near and also because if I hadn't ppk-ed you, you and Cassandra wouldn't be talking so loudly everyday next to me and fill the corner of my ears with your laughters. It wasn't as bad as it seemed coz there was some noise for me to listen to if things got a little too quiet.
XIN WEI,
Hiya personwhohatedmeforsolong! I totally love you and I'll miss you to pieces. Haha. I'm so happy we became friends in the end, though I still feel you talk a lot and Pn. Toh Annie was right about that. Lee Chia Ling also said you talk too much. “BONG XIN WEI! 来回答这个问题!” LOL. You talk non-stop one lah, which is why we clicked! Hahahaha. We share one thing in common - our love for talking. :D I'll always remember you. I still remember the time you stayed up until 6am just to make your Facebook status hit like 15000 comments or smth like that. That was pretty darn stupid but funny.
YI CHEER,
HAI. I was so surprised to find out that your dad was THE DR. HENG. The guy who cut open my gums and stuck a gold chain onto my canine just to drag it to the right place. Thank goodness for that. Because of him, I have nice teeth again! (; There's no way that I can deny that it was God's plan for our paths to cross. It was fun doing RR with you. And no, you're not 冲动, you're just passionate. I have to say, it was hard for me to get your 'first class' jokes because I barely knew you and I took everything too seriously. Thank God we were in the same class this year. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to get around your 'language' and lame jokes. I salute your passion in doing His work mannnn. Hats off to you. (; Hopefully the next time I see you at some revo event, you're not an usher anymore and you can like go for the altar calls. :DD
ZI THUNG,
Hey front neighbour! You're super cute and I just wanna pinch your cheeks. Haha Thanks for the MCD to celebrate my passing AND failing. :D My mom and I totally salute your driving. It was fun talking to you through the year. Oh and I totally remember how you and Audrey made me drink 600ml of water for the stupid urine thing. You all crazy, wanna drown me is it? LOL. It's okay, deep down, I know you care for me even though you all had to trick me into it.
Okay I'm done. I'm still pushing through my cough mixture to do this but I'm glad I did. Hopefully my blog doesn't die again.
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
